You are the only exception

I can't believe how one person can make you change so much in such little time. But I guess when you really love someone and put their best before yours, you find that the world is just a happier place to be.

Three years ago, I never thought that I would ever have children. I didn't really have a desire to have one. I enjoyed my life as a wife to a youth pastor and considered our students my children (which I still do.) I had my own plans, my own hopes and dreams and really a child just wasn't a part of it.

And then she happened. My little miss who was so unexpected, so not in my plans. And I freaked out! Literally her first year was me either having an emotional breakdown because remember I didn't want this, freaking out over her safety or not willing to give up on my selfish, independent ways. All I could think about was how I wanted to be an amazing mom, but I kept hearing this voice in my head telling me that I wasn't. There were several nights I would lie in bed, crying because I just wasn't adjusting to "mommyhood" as well or as fast as other women I know.

Over this past year though, something has changed in me. I don't know what happened or what it was but it is just different. People probably don't notice it, but I can tell it in myself. I see life, people and circumstances differently. I see her differently. I want more out of this life and I want to be the best darn mommy that I can be. Yes, I know that there will be moments where I don't make the right decision, I get angry too quickly or make harsh judgments, but they are fewer now than what they were. Not only to her but to everyone. I am beginning to wonder if God placed her in my life for just this moment. He knew that without her I wouldn't fully be the person or have the character that he wanted for me. She has changed me.

No matter what. Having her in my life has made me see the world in a whole new way. I want her to always know gentleness, love, support and guidance. I believe that I am making my way there.